When I was in college, I had two friends who fell at opposite ends of the dating spectrum. We'll call the first guy Hank. Hank wanted to be in a relationship more than anything on earth . . . and everyone knew it! All he ever talked about was meeting girls and finding Miss Right. He constantly lamented the fact that there just weren't any good ladies left out there.
In the other corner I had a friend we'll call Charlie. Charlie never talked about his dating life. Ever. And yet, Charlie had women betting down his door. I'm telling you, they absolutely flocked to this guy. Why? Because he knew how to play hard to get.
Charlie was confident in who he was and where he was going. He had goals and a clear direction in life. He also had really high standards for who he dated. His life did not revolve around being in a relationship.
Hank? Hank would have gone out with anyone with a pulse. He was so obsessed with finding a wife he didn't have much to offer even if the right girl came along. Great guy, but very needy.
I know this question sounds a little weird, but if your ministry were a person, would anyone want to date it, or better yet, marry it? Would your ministry be more like Hank or Charlie? Is it a healthy, vibrant, attractive place or does it reek of desperation?
Do you approach recruiting like Hank approached dating?
- Is recruiting all you ever talk about to your congregation?
- Do you have ridiculously low standards for who can serve with kids?
- Does your neediness repulse the very people you're trying to attract?
Or have you learned how to play it cool like Charlie?
- Does your ministry have a clear direction?
- Does it set the bar high with big expectations for new leaders?
- Does this confident I'm-not-going-to-settle attitude attract a higher, more committed caliber of leader?
The mistake many of us kidmins make is focusing more on our desperation than our destination. - Click to Tweet
We lose the vision for where the ministry is going and what it can become.
This confident, magnetic vision is the very thing God uses to attract great leaders to our team. Yes, we all need leaders. In some seasons we REALLY need them. But just because we have a need doesn't mean we should be needy.
If our neediness defines us, like it did my friend Hank, we will never connect with the kind of leaders we're dying to discover - high capacity world changers who take one look at our ministry and are ready to say, "I do!"
So I don't know if your ministry is a Capricorn or a Pisces. I don't know if it likes dinner and a movie or long walks on the beach. But I do know that unless you want to be a perpetual member of the Children's Ministry lonely hearts club, you have to operate from a place of confidence in God and focus more on who you and where you're going than just filling holes.